I shaved tonight for the first time in a month

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pjbogart
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I shaved tonight for the first time in a month

Postby pjbogart » Mon Feb 04, 2019 11:28 pm

It started as a dare, or perhaps a challenge. With the bitter cold it went beyond its intended target. I shave every day. I don't think I've gone more than three days without shaving since I was in high school. It's not that I CAN'T grow a beard, I just don't like the way it looks or feels. And the past month has pretty much guaranteed that I will NEVER grow a beard again.

They're itchy and scratchy, on the corners of my chin it was actually regularly painful and I needed to rub lotion into my face to control the discomfort. I found myself massaging my face throughout the day, like a baboon scratching his bright red ass. Not because it felt good, but because I couldn't help it. It itched and hurt.

And tonight I shaved. I think the only reason I'd ever grow a beard again would be to remember the pleasure of shaving it off. It's like my night started by killing Hitler and ended with Natalie Portman telling me what a wonderful lover I was. Each pass of the razor was like a line of cocaine, each stroke across my smooth chin was like voting for Barack Obama.

I went 47 years without ever growing a beard, and it was a great decision.

Michael Patrick
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Re: I shaved tonight for the first time in a month

Postby Michael Patrick » Tue Feb 05, 2019 8:19 am

I didn't wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and decide I'd look hawt with a beard.

I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and said to myself, "Self, we fucking hate shaving."

And that's why I've had a beard since 1979.

Henry Vilas
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Re: I shaved tonight for the first time in a month

Postby Henry Vilas » Tue Feb 05, 2019 8:33 am

The Navy allowed full beards in 1970. I haven't shaved since.

Donald
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Re: I shaved tonight for the first time in a month

Postby Donald » Tue Feb 05, 2019 8:42 am

I never grew a beard. Never will. I occasionally grew a 7-day stubble if I was camping/canoeing, but never liked the way it felt, so shaved as soon as I could. I did grow some long sideburns (or sideboards, as the Brits say) when they were in fashion in the 1970s. I tried a mustache, but it was pretty thin and made me look more dweebish than I do anyway. Now, with a bald head, I think a beard would look odd.

gargantua
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Re: I shaved tonight for the first time in a month

Postby gargantua » Tue Feb 05, 2019 8:56 am

I grew one by accident. Went on vacation, forgot my shaver, thought what the heck, I'm on vacation, and didn't shave.
My wife hated it. Everyone else, including yours truly, liked it. I kept it for about two years. It turned gray and my hair didn't, so it had to go.

jman111
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Re: I shaved tonight for the first time in a month

Postby jman111 » Tue Feb 05, 2019 9:42 am

I let mine grow every year for deer hunting, a tradition I got from my dad. He was on the road a lot, so it was always weird to me, as a kid, when he just came home one day with a full beard. It usually only lasted about a month, and then I was even more shocked when I would first see him without it.

The first couple of weeks are the worst. It can be itchy, scratchy, and prickly. Once it grows out a bit, it definitely softens up. Mrs jman hates it (as did my mom when Dad grew his), which is unfortunate, since deer hunting now spans about 3 months. And when the weather is unseasonably cold, as it was last week, a beard is fantastic for keeping your face warm. So now I tend to keep it even longer.

pjbogart
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Re: I shaved tonight for the first time in a month

Postby pjbogart » Tue Feb 05, 2019 10:35 am

jman111 wrote:And when the weather is unseasonably cold, as it was last week, a beard is fantastic for keeping your face warm.


That's actually why I kept it so long. It was like a scene from the Princess Bride... every night I'd look in the mirror and say, "Good night, beard. Sleep well. I'll most likely shave you in the morning." But I never did. Now that the weather warmed up a bit I went ahead and lopped it off. It hurt shaving it off, even using a clippers for the first pass and a razor to end the job. But it felt so much better when it was gone. I didn't have a problem with how it looked but I had a real problem with how it felt.

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Re: I shaved tonight for the first time in a month

Postby chainsawcurtis » Tue Feb 05, 2019 10:49 am

I've done the full beard thing occasionally but I stick with the goatee and stache in various lengths. It hides my double chin (sort of). And the girls have always liked it (nod, nod, wink, wink, know what I mean? Know what I mean?).

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Re: I shaved tonight for the first time in a month

Postby Cadfael » Tue Feb 05, 2019 11:45 am

I thought I hated shaving and wore a beard for a long time but had to shave it for a job once and found out I only hated shaving my upper lip.

gozer
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Re: I shaved tonight for the first time in a month

Postby gozer » Tue Feb 05, 2019 11:47 pm

https://corderofarms.files.wordpress.co ... .jpg?w=600
Image
me too, though it was a trifle longer -- and I had her do it little by little and added a haircut and more so I tried out the satan look and milošević (which was confusing for the stylist, as slobo was essentially satan in action but not appearance, where he was basically the same thing), gingrich, and lenin, trotsky, robert mugabe, sam nujoma, wolf blitzer, najarian brothers & kramer, c everett koop, of course lemmy from motörhead, howie mandel, stjepan mesić, soglin, amish outlaw, stalin, vincente fox, saddam hussein, all that . . . roosevelt xxvi too though ended up roosevelt xxxii, maybe closer to putin perhaps . . . i ran the whole idea in detail by mrs gozer et al beforehand, of course . . .

late night with david letterman, 5. april 1991:
http://www.mudslide.net/TopTen/lnwd1991.html#April5

Top 10 Ways To Tell You're Possessed


10. You feel stuffed, even after a light dinner.
9. Your voice sounds more and more like Bea Arthur.
8. You run around your Palm Beach house wearing nothing but a
T-shirt.
7. You ask barber to cut hair a little more like Hitler's.
6. You find yourself wondering what sex with Cher would be like.
5. You don't have to use rearview mirror to look at the cars behind
you.
4. You're a former cast member of "Diff'rent Strokes."
3. You're convinced you can make decorations out of orange peels.
2. You become Vice President of the United States even though you are
a total boob.
1. When "Father Dowling" comes on your eyes start to sting.



late night with david letterman, 16. september 1987:
http://www.oocities.org/jaylipp/Letterman/topten.html

Top Ten Names for Robert Bork's Beard - September 16, 1987

10. The Chin Slinky
9. The Amish Outlaw
8. The See-Through
7. My Very First Beard (from Kenner)
6. The Lunatic Fringe
5. Senor Itchy
4. The Radioactive Goat
3. Salute to C. Everett Koop
2. Gopher Butt
1. The Babe Magnet


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