THIS is how you should report fake news

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Prof. Wagstaff
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THIS is how you should report fake news

Postby Prof. Wagstaff » Tue Mar 28, 2017 8:38 pm

Spiders could theoretically eat every human on Earth in one year

The headline and some of the lines in the article are obviously bullshit for a variety of reasons. Most spiders couldn't possibly digest human flesh, for example, and as is almost always the case when non-scientists/non-science writers report on legitimate scientific studies, they come to conclusions never intended nor supported by the actual paper. (Which you can read for yourself here.) But come on, if you're gonna write a sensationalistic headline for a bastardization of a legitimate science paper, this is how it should be done. The article itself is loaded with answers to questions nobody has ever asked, like "What is the weight of all the world's spiders in terms of the Titanic?" Ya just gotta love the conceit that it's somehow easier to imagine what 478 Titanics weigh rather than what the estimated world population of around 13 million billion spiders would weigh, right?
This factoid particularly amused me: ". . . spiders consume approximately 10 percent of their body weight in food per day. That's equivalent to a 200-pound man eating 20 pounds of meat each day." I am reminded of the time I witnessed a small kitten make short work of an entire hot dog and thought to myself, "That seems like if a person ate a sausage the size of a baseball bat." (I didn't do any actual math at the time, nor have I done any now, so if someone wants to make a better comparison, knock yourself out.)

Finally, it should be noted that just before I read this article, the world's spider population was decreased by one, as the ugly motherfucker I found trapped in my tub had to go before I showered.

gargantua
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Re: THIS is how you should report fake news

Postby gargantua » Tue Mar 28, 2017 10:38 pm

I read somewhere that on average, no one, anywhere, is more than a foot away from a spider.

Sleep well.


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