Roommate horror stories

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jjoyce
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Roommate horror stories

Postby jjoyce » Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:28 pm

Gawker is fielding these now and mine is pretty junior high in comparison to most of them. My first apartment out of the dorms was in the same building as the old Flamingo on State Street (what is it now? City Bar? Anything?). I lived there with a guy from the dorms who I didn't know well enough to enter into such an arrangement.

Guy was a straight-up asshole, complete with a drunken night where he got all handsy with my girlfriend at the time and then wanted to fight me after I quietly asked him to knock it off (Him: Don't ever do that again. Me: If I see you making her or any other woman I know uncomfortable, I will do it again. Him: Then you'll die!).

On another occasion, I awoke in the middle of the night to hear him talking to a strange voice in the kitchen. He's asking the guy if he wants soup or something else to eat and the responses were gruff and barely intelligible. Then his guest stumbles into the bathroom to take what seemed like a five-minute-long leak. I overhear more conversation which includes my roommate offering up my spare blanket and a spot on the couch to sleep. Soon things get quiet, other than a few more trips to the bathroom including what sounded like a ten-gallon aquarium being emptied into the toilet each time. I can't sleep and lay in bed wondering what the hell is going on until about 5 am, when I decide to get up. I walk through the living room to discover a mostly-unclothed and pretty stinky homeless guy sprawled out, sound asleep. I got the hell out of there.

When I returned later to encounter my roommate, he would say only that he saw the guy on the street and he needed a place to sleep. Did he know anything about the guy? No. Did he think his new friend would return to our unsecured building with an unlocked door right on State Street expecting a place to stay some other time? He didn't know. Was he concerned that this guy was going to rob us blind and/or kill us in our sleep? Relax!

christopher_robin
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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby christopher_robin » Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:39 pm

When I was living out in San Francisco playing in rock bands, there were too many crazy events to catalog. But here's one: I'm out with my girlfriend shooting pool at Mad Dog in the Fog. We're having a great night.

We come home and there was -- apparently -- a fight between two of my room mates/band mates, the drummer and the bassist. Someone had punched out the window, raining glass from the second story onto 16th street. The place was trashed. Both dudes were passed out.

The next day, I'm all "so what happened here last night?" They have, like, black eyes and blood-encrusted noses.

"I get fuzzy right around the the Johnny Walker."

BOTH of them were in a blackout and couldn't remember any of it...!

All this greatly improved when I started playing in Salsa bands.

Meade
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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby Meade » Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:41 pm

jjoyce wrote:I can't sleep and lay in bed wondering what the hell is going on until about 5 am, when I decide to get up.


While laying there in bed, did you worry about how you were ever going to pass freshman English?

scratch
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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby scratch » Wed Jan 25, 2012 1:16 pm

Meade wrote:
jjoyce wrote:I can't sleep and lay in bed wondering what the hell is going on until about 5 am, when I decide to get up.

While laying there in bed, did you worry about how you were ever going to pass freshman English?


When I saw Meade listed as the last poster in a thread titled Roomate horror stories, I clicked on it in great anticipation. Finally the King of Low-Riders posting about something that might actually be interesting! But, no, he's just taking an oblique shot at Jason's post. I'm so disappointed.

Kenneth Burns
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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby Kenneth Burns » Wed Jan 25, 2012 3:41 pm

I thought my roommate freshman year was pretty bad, but in retrospect I don't think he really did anything wrong. Maybe I just resented having a roommate.

If you ever get a chance to watch the old PBS movie "The Roommate," based on an Updike story, do. College hijinks, pathos also. Good stuff.

Henry Vilas
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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby Henry Vilas » Wed Jan 25, 2012 4:15 pm

During my freshman year in the dorms (66-67 school year), the roommate from hell was me (much to my shame). I don't want to go into details.

jjoyce
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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby jjoyce » Wed Jan 25, 2012 4:23 pm

I lived in a big house on East Johnson Street about 20 years ago with four guys. There was always yelling. If you slopped up the kitchen and left it over night, you could expect to be confronted in the morning. Loudly. Profanely. Same goes for the poor sucker who forgot his garbage shift or left the door unlocked, etc.

Ironically, it was a great living situation. Grievances were aired quickly and decisively and no grudges lingered. Passive aggressive behavior was rare and everybody knew where they stood.

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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby jman111 » Wed Jan 25, 2012 4:26 pm

Henry Vilas wrote:...the roommate from hell was me...

I suspect I may have been, as well. As an example, by the end of the year, we were using pizza boxes on the dorm room floor as "stepping stones" to avoid cutting our feet on broken beer bottles. Rough year....

jasonx5
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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby jasonx5 » Wed Jan 25, 2012 5:06 pm

jjoyce wrote:I lived in a big house on East Johnson Street about 20 years ago with four guys.

in '94 I live in a big house on E. Johnson as well. it was the 600 block.
There were 5 guys and 3 girls.
One of my favorite stories from living there was when one of my female roommates yelled my name one afternoon asking me to go and yell at the person sitting on the trunk of her car.
I went to the window to look and it was a female neighbor from the other side of the street topless waving as traffic drove past.
I never did tell her to get off the car, but I did sit on our steps and watch. Eventually the cops came and paused the show. The topless lady had a solution, she put a strip of electrical tape over each nipple and the show resumed. One older guy driving by, with who I can only assume were his wife and kids, almost broke his neck trying to get a peek. About 30 seconds later he brought the family by for another look making sure to drive real slow this time.
Another one is.... we had four male neighbors that obviously didn't understand how mini-blinds work. We were a floor above and only a narrow alley between us. They would each spank it in the bathroom and our party attendees always had a laugh when they would see one going to town. I wonder if they thought we were weird when we always called them by the same name "Spanky"?

HamsterArmageddon
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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby HamsterArmageddon » Wed Jan 25, 2012 5:22 pm

jasonx5 wrote:in '94 I live in a big house on E. Johnson as well. it was the 600 block.
There were 5 guys and 3 girls.
One of my favorite stories from living there was when one of my female roommates yelled my name one afternoon asking me to go and yell at the person sitting on the trunk of her car.
I went to the window to look and it was a female neighbor from the other side of the street topless waving as traffic drove past.
I never did tell her to get off the car, but I did sit on our steps and watch. Eventually the cops came and paused the show. The topless lady had a solution, she put a strip of electrical tape over each nipple and the show resumed. One older guy driving by, with who I can only assume were his wife and kids, almost broke his neck trying to get a peek. About 30 seconds later he brought the family by for another look making sure to drive real slow this time.
Another one is.... we had four male neighbors that obviously didn't understand how mini-blinds work. We were a floor above and only a narrow alley between us. They would each spank it in the bathroom and our party attendees always had a laugh when they would see one going to town. I wonder if they thought we were weird when we always called them by the same name "Spanky"?



^^^ This post is about as real as jjoyce's snoqueen handle.

rrnate
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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby rrnate » Wed Jan 25, 2012 5:26 pm

HamsterArmageddon wrote:
^^^ This post is about as real as jjoyce's snoqueen handle.


Yeah, the prospect of nudity or people not understanding they're being seen from a very closely neighboring apartment (both on E. Johnson) is just unfathomable!

snoqueen
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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby snoqueen » Wed Jan 25, 2012 5:39 pm

Having lived in that area for years and years (this was prior to the sex change) I have to agree.

jasonx5
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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby jasonx5 » Wed Jan 25, 2012 6:10 pm

I was telling you the mild stuff because I thought you wouldn't believe the really good stuff. Whatever, he wanted stories, I added mine. Who knows, maybe he was one of the neighbor guys. JJoyce did you or one of your roomies bartend at the Red Shed?
One guy stood in front of the mirror over the sink and would occasionally flex his bicep while going at it, one sat on the toilet, one stood in front of the toilet and lathered up with Suave shampoo, one laid out magazines and appeared to be humping the floor.
Any of this ring a bell?

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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby gargantua » Wed Jan 25, 2012 6:17 pm

Lived in a two flat on Spaight St.....two men and two women. One of the women liked to make sure the whole world knew how much she enjoyed sex. Late at night, early in the morning, whenever. One time I heard her from a block away on a summer night while walking home from the bus stop.

It was not a good summer for sleeping.

christopher_robin
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Re: Roommate horror stories

Postby christopher_robin » Wed Apr 04, 2012 1:22 pm

Brooklyn man admits he killed & dismembered "noisy" roommate, police sources say

"I know Sergey 15 for years. He was a good guy, a very nice guy," said Vladimir Sirkicov.

"The other guy was very bad. The one who died was terrible," Sirkicov said. "He was crazy. He was a drunk all the time."

Mamontov "was quiet, intelligent," Sirkicov's wife, Lela added.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/b ... z1r66DsGED


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