Health Club - What's with that person?

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Dust Mite Rodeo
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Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby Dust Mite Rodeo » Tue Dec 09, 2008 6:36 pm

At the local health club,
what's the deal with:

Guy working out in grubby gross looking blue jeans and grubby gross looking plaid button-up long sleeve shirt. All that sweating in those clothes is going to do wonders for your odor. If you think you can afford the $35 a month to keep coming here, you can afford to go to goddamn K-Mart and buy a fricking shorts and t-shirt.

Guy who screams “Huweaughughugh!” with every rep of a weight. Yeah, we all get it. You’re such a butch macho stud weight-lifter guy. Shut the fuck up.

Guy whose pecs don’t need to get any bigger. Meanwhile his legs are as skinny as those of that creature from the end of “Close encounters of the Third Kind”. Dude, put down the bench press. What if a bear was chasing you? You wouldn’t be able to get away!

Guy with a hoodie drawn tight around his face so only his eyes are showing. Like Kenny McCormick. That’s only going to attract attention as people wonder what you are hiding from.

Guy who is as fat as an alpha-male hippopotamus. And all he does there is waddle around in the pool area. There is something you’re not getting about what it is your supposed to be doing there that’s supposed to be good for your heath!

Guy who is there absolutely every goddamn time you go there. And no, he doesn’t work there either. Jesus, get a life. Go see a movie or something. Build a model airplane. Anything.


More! Give Me More! What about the females? Rip on them!

Bunny Chow
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby Bunny Chow » Tue Dec 09, 2008 6:40 pm

I got banned from another madison forum for saying this. To err on the side of caution, I think I'll just provide a link instead.

link

Metallicist
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby Metallicist » Tue Dec 09, 2008 6:44 pm

Guy more concerned about what everyone else is doing than actually lifting any weights.

TheBookPolice
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby TheBookPolice » Tue Dec 09, 2008 7:03 pm

Dust Mite Rodeo wrote: What if a bear was chasing you? You wouldn’t be able to get away!

Yeah, but he'd be able to tear it in half.

Ned Flanders
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby Ned Flanders » Wed Dec 10, 2008 11:36 am

Short answer? Health clubs are a microcosm of society in general.

fisticuffs
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby fisticuffs » Wed Dec 10, 2008 11:42 am

Short answer? Health clubs are a microcosm of society in general.


And a microcosm of bacterial society as well.

Bigote
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby Bigote » Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:53 pm

During my years as a UW student and SERF user in the mid 90's, there was an old man (80 if he was a day) who would endlessly troll the men's locker room naked. His entire body was covered in purple splotches, and he seemed to be around no matter what time of day you worked out. At the time I assumed he was just some creepy Emeritus, but now I think he might have been a poltergeist.

:?

gargantua
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby gargantua » Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:53 pm

Men or women who sit on the equipment and have a long conversation. Don't you people have chairs at home?

surroundedbyreality
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby surroundedbyreality » Thu Dec 11, 2008 10:47 am

From my time at the Princeton Club east.

Guy who’s only there to talk to women. Never seen this guy actually workout.

Old couple who apparently has no TV at home. These two usually sit on the same two stationary bikes and just watch, no peddling. If they have been members there for many years they’re probably only paying $15/month but still.

The health insurance rebate junkies. They walk in, swipe their card, hang around for a few minutes then leave, all so they can get that rebate from their health insurance company for “working out” so many times in six months.

gargantua
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby gargantua » Thu Dec 11, 2008 2:19 pm

The lonely people. They come in and talk to people. They don't work out themselves much at all. Oh no, that's not why they're there. They've come to make sure YOU can't do your workout because you practically have to be rude to get away from them.

Learned
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby Learned » Thu Dec 11, 2008 2:22 pm

Guy who drops dumbbells from waist height after his reps are finished.

350+lb. guy who needs 25-30 minutes of post-shower naked time before the dressing process commences.

Me.

narcoleptish
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby narcoleptish » Thu Dec 11, 2008 2:42 pm

Years ago I was in the locker room when a guy was coming out of the shower. In my peripheral vision I saw him lurch, then feet in the air, and then the sickening slap/thud of wet flesh on commercial tile. There was no one else there but I could only stand and stare. Coming to the assistance of a wet naked guy was a little more than I could do at the time. I just watched him struggle to his feet and shuffle away.

If you're out there, I'm sorry. I was just a kid. I'm pretty sure I might help you now.

Pretty sure.

Bigredhunk
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby Bigredhunk » Sat Dec 13, 2008 2:43 am

"Occupy Multiple Machines At A Time"-Guy.

Back early on in college, before I had any confidence...I was working out in one of the school's fitness facilities. I sat on a bench to do incline dumbell curls or something, and a guy looks at me and says, "I've got two more sets on that bench." When I sat on the bench, he was doing a different exercise on a different bench. He was actually holding more than one machine so he could do his workout.

I think I said something like, "My bad," and walked away. I'm 6'5", with a fairly large build, and I took it. I guess my balls hadn't dropped at that age yet or something, I don't know. Now if someone does something of the like (tries to cut in front of me in line at a checkout, for example), I have to be restrained by whomever is with me at the time. I get the person to move back in line, but I also come seriously close (at least internally) to grabbing the fucker and tossing him or her over into Housewares. At some point, all the crap people do (not putting away carts, not saying "Thank You" for holding a door open for them, not giving thank-you waves for letting them out in traffic, tailgating you, attempting to cut in line, staring for prolonged periods) just gets me in a mood. I'm like George in the later episodes of "Seinfeld"- "PROBABLY BECAUSE THIS WHOLE UNIVERSE IS AGAINST ME!"

crevice beatle
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby crevice beatle » Sat Dec 13, 2008 9:43 am

Right up there with the person working out in stone wash jeans - there was a young woman at my gym who would run the treadmill wearing Doc Martins. One might argue she was going for a more "military boot camp" type of workout, but if that were the case, wouldn't she skip the gym thing altogether and run outside?

Also, the person with headphones on that screams (sings) or raps the lines from the song he is listening to, loud enough so the whole place can hear him. I'm never quite sure whether they don't realize how loud they are actaully being, or if in fact they are blatantly showing off their lack of vocal prowess on purpose. I recall one day walking by a guy sitting up from a bench; he looks at me and belts out "yeah that's right, I'll be bustin caps all up in yo face tonite". It took a couple double takes before I realized he had phones in and was merely reciting his jamz.

Or....how about the person (usually male) who stands in front of the mirrors and admires their "gains". I realize the mirrors provide a means to perfect your lifting form, but when there is no weight in your hand and you are checking your biceps/triceps from multiple angles for extended periods of time - I mean - I really want to go up the person and snap them back into reality; remind them they aren't standing in the privacy of their own bathroom. On a positive note, people who do this bring to attention my own personal vanity - they look like such tools, I'm careful not to check mysel out too much while at the gym.

seashells
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Re: Health Club - What's with that person?

Postby seashells » Mon Dec 15, 2008 10:44 am

"Guy who constantly farts while on the treadmill"

'nuff said.


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