If there's a Nobel Prize for the new doctrine sometimes called neoliberalism, neoconservativism, or sometimes even "libertarianism" - the doctrine that anything can be designated a commodity and sold, then police chief candidate Michael Koval deserves it for his recent suggestion regarding what to do about trouble at the Mifflin Street block party.
Easy: recognize it as an "untapped entrepreneurial opportunity" and sell the "privatized" event to a professional promoter.
After all, why should someone be allowed to have a friend or six over for a drink if they haven't paid a professional promoter for the right to visit his apartment? His "free association" is costing someone a tidy profit that could be used to help offset the city budget! Why should amateurs who want to have fun be allowed to plan a mass party, when the job could be done by professional promoters looking at ticket sales, product placement, advertising revenue, merchandising tie-ins, collection of marketing data, and facilitation of clean-up and police operations?
I knew that they could sell (or more often, give away to some well-connected crook) the right to suck water out of a river or even to dig it out of a well on your own land, the right to fish or hunt, the right to mine or timber on public lands or to make a micro-power radio broadcast or to own a word like Freedom(tm) or to sing a song around a campfire, but I'd never before encountered the idea of selling the right to party. Indeed, as a practical matter they may have a few details to work out - for instance, the private promoter will need more property rights than simply the right to party on Mifflin on one night, because some pirate thief might try to evade the law by partying on a different night or on the next block over. Perhaps Madison will look into having a major company like Charter or AT&T handle the city's Party Franchise and license every gathering in town and track the movements of all potential consumers... so many possibilities, so much money to be made by abolishing outdated "sacred cows".
P.S. Remember that Koval was the former FBI Special Agent, not the lesbian vegetarian Buddhist single mom, so this wacky idea is likely something that is being played out for real all over the U.S. even as we speak.
[from the Koval answers:]
I would also re-examine all the sacred cows that have been left sacrosanct and unquestioned for years. For example, what about a feasibility study into revisiting the notion of Mifflin as a "privatized" block party for a night? Only this time try to partner with a professional promoter who sees the potential that Mifflin represents as an untapped entrepreneurial opportunity. If the promoter picks up insurance and offsets police expenses, then they could tap into creative marketing sources. For example, entry onto the block would be predicated on buying a glow-in-the-dark wristband (similar to those used in water parks) as a condition precedent to being allowed in. Those with proof-of-age and a surcharge collected or made payable by donation would have standing to move about this "private" block party.