JESUS? PENICILLIN? Nope. CRISCO!

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blunt
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JESUS? PENICILLIN? Nope. CRISCO!

Postby blunt » Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:37 pm

I threw some pebbles down a well and accidentally found an ancient manuscript.
Okay it wasn't a well but a garbage can.
The tome was brittle with age and the pages had yellowed. The cover barely maintained its hold.
The first couple pages had long disappeared, torn or fallen out, so I was unable to find a publishing date. But in the center of the book, a folded weathered parchment turned out to be a page from the Milwaukee Journal, circa 1953.
It was a recipe for deviled crab.
The book is filled with cool kitschy drawings of perfect families having earth-shattering fun eating products made with Crisco.
Written and published by Crisco.
Quaintly hilarious.
Here are some of my favorite bitsâ€â€

thebookpolice
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Postby thebookpolice » Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:48 pm

A nice, HTML-formatted ebook version of The Story of CRISCO, by Procter and Gamble, Co.

From the recipe for fried sweetbreads:

CRISCO CRISCO CRISCO wrote:For those whose digestions are at fault, sweetbreads ought to be eaten as a daily ration if the pocketbook will afford it. For this special part of the animal's anatomy is that one of all the viscera whose mission is to help digestion. It is of the very pancreas itself, that stomach gland of marvelously involved structure which elaborates the powerful pancreatic juice. It is alkaline in nature, able to digest starches, fats, and most of what escapes digestion in the stomach proper. It received its name from a fancied resemblance in its substance and formation to the rising lumps of dough destined for bread.


Or, it can be yours for only $20.48!

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Postby Chuck_Schick » Wed Jun 20, 2007 2:29 pm

Heh.

Rabbi Margolies from New York said that the Hebrew Race has been waiting 4,000 years for Crisco.

That and a homeland where they can live and prosper free from persecution.

But mostly the Crisco.

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Postby Ned Flanders » Wed Jun 20, 2007 3:51 pm


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Postby meowzamusic » Wed Jun 20, 2007 7:37 pm

I don't suppose there was anything in there about the Crisco Parties my Dad told me happened in the 60's

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Postby mrak » Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:57 pm

I wonder if John Ashcroft's favorite use for Crisco is included in the book.

blunt
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Postby blunt » Thu Jun 21, 2007 4:05 pm

mrak wrote:I wonder if John Ashcroft's favorite use for Crisco is included in the book.


Involves his organ in a closet.

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Re: JESUS? PENICILLIN? Nope. CRISCO!

Postby cute hat » Sun Jul 01, 2007 3:00 pm

blunt wrote:·When pie crust is tough: It is possible you have not used Crisco properly! Perhaps the measurements were not correct. Perhaps the water was too warm or the dough was handled too much. Shortening cannot make pastry tough.

·When cake is not a success: It is not the fault of Crisco. Either too much was used, the oven heat not perfectly controlled or some important ingredient was used in the wrong proportion.

·When food isn’t flavory: Salt should have been added. Crisco has none.


Seems Crisco is in denial and needs to learn how to take some responsibility for its issues.

Maybe we could have a Crisco intervention.

Anyone else in on that?

blunt
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Re: JESUS? PENICILLIN? Nope. CRISCO!

Postby blunt » Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:27 pm

cute hat wrote:
blunt wrote:·When pie crust is tough: It is possible you have not used Crisco properly! Perhaps the measurements were not correct. Perhaps the water was too warm or the dough was handled too much. Shortening cannot make pastry tough.

·When cake is not a success: It is not the fault of Crisco. Either too much was used, the oven heat not perfectly controlled or some important ingredient was used in the wrong proportion.

·When food isn’t flavory: Salt should have been added. Crisco has none.


Seems Crisco is in denial and needs to learn how to take some responsibility for its issues.

Maybe we could have a Crisco intervention.

Anyone else in on that?



Sounds like a slippery slope.


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